some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
should my penis look like a turkey
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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