Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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