the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
