No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
