Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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