Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you had me at cake vodka
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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