He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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