And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
