You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
