She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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