I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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