Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
