I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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