You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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