i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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