I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I didn't notice because vodka
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
