My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
