He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
