Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
