I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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