We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Randomize
