I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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