You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
