what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
