my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
