omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
