That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
