it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize