I accidentally burped into my bong.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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