Plan B is the new Plan A
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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