Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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