it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
