I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
