Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
