I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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