First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
