break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He shit in the fireplace
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
