There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
