There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
