Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
