went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
