It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
