If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
