You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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