I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
