Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize