i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize