we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
