Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
