I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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