May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
