I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
