yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
