New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
