I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
