I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
