if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
