): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
