Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
