I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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