remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
