When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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