based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
