dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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